Sunday 27 January 2013

Boy Rene's Musings

A dear friend of mine, Boy Rene, has a blog of his own and he posted a little, I will say rant, that I think has some truth to it. With his permission, I have cross posted it here. You can find his blog at lthrboyblog.

"Collars: Your Mileage May Vary
I recently came accross an interesting blog entry. The blog post was about collars and their use.

One of the first points that the blogger says is that a collar should NEVER be used as a temporary device. From the blog:  IT is NOT given after an hour trick or a weekend tryst.

The blogger then also goes into explaining about the idea of haveing three tiers of collars: Collar of Consideration,  Collar of Training, and Permanent Collar. I'm not going to go into detail about this tripple-collar format, because personally, I don't get it. It's not for me. If I'm going to be collared by someone, then it generally means the same thing: For the duration that the collar is around my neck, it symbolizes protection (by the top), service (by the bottom), loyalty (from both), and a few other things. I just feel that going on into giving formal names for the 15 levels of collar you may have for your boys feels like an overly complicated and romanticized version of what I honestly feel doesn't need to be complicated, or made more then what I feel it really is: something symbolizing your relationship and attachment to the person who collared you.

But after reading the article, the tripple-collar thing isn't what really bugs me about this blog entry. What bothers be is this statement: IT is NOT given after an hour trick or a weekend tryst.

 It's often said in a number of Leather circles and discussions that your Leather sexuality, like any sexuality, is a personal thing. Someone telling me that I'm not a real boy or I'm not a real Leatherman because I don't meet some checklist of protocols and standards that work in their world, is similar to telling me that I can't be gay because I don't wear the latest brands, do drag, go shopping every weekend, have a lisp, or any of the other stereotypes out there. I don't need to meet your requirements of what makes a boy or a Leatherman. All that matter is me being held accountable to myself, and to my Sir. Anything outside of that is irrelevant.

So with so many people vehemently agreeing that Leather sexuality is a very personal thing, and that painting everyone in the "community" with the same broad paintbrush is a waste of time... shouldn't the same be applied to collars and their use? I was reading a number of replies that were in total agreement with this post, and I've spoken to many others who I'm sure share the same view. But I also know many others (who, for the reccord, would deffinitaly be considered Old Guard for those of you reading this who actually gives two shits about the use of that term), who would laugh in the face of the writter of that blog. Many people growing up in Leather had collars used on them, or placed collars on other boys, almost entirely for the purpose of a temporary scene. When they took on a full-time or regular boy, there was no need to have a beefy chunk of metal around their neck reminding them of that fact. It just was. Many times the Sir might give the boy some token to carry on them or wear, but a chain or leather collar with a lock wasn't really the norm.

To my understanding, the more "formalized" use of collars wasn't really a commonplace thing until quite recently. I've also heard arguments that this adaptation of the use of collars originated more from heterosexual kink and Leather, as opposed to the gay Leather culture. Personally, I don't know, I wasn't around then. But I do see it as realistic that collars were less of a ritualistic, formal attire, and more of a play-based piece of gear.

To be fair, I haven't mentioned what my own personal take on collar use for myself, and I won't. That's not why I'm writting this blog post. What I'd like to impart you with, is just to be careful when talking about sexuality, even Leather sexuality, in broad terms. What works for you may not, and almost certainly WILL not, work for everyone around you. Learn the power of owning your statements and opinions. Instead of saying "Leather is (blah blah blah...)", try saying "In my opinion, Leather is..." or "For me...".

Becoming legalistic with your sexuality, especially when it's a sexuality that I'm pretty sure originated from sexual outlaws, is a dangerous thing, and personally, I find it laughable.

Leather is different for everyone. Many people acknowledge that... but could we please start acting like it?"

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