Wednesday 18 July 2012

The House Began To Pitch

Like that hurricane in Kansas that swept Dorthy away and separated her from home, I feel sundered. Why? The city has bought the land around, and including, the Calgary Eagle. The city is redefining the East Village, the part of town around and a bit north of the Saddle Dome. At first I was so ecstatic! One of the most down and dingy parts of the city where one dare not walk barefoot for fear of stepping on splinters of shattered glass smattered along the cold concrete and worse yet, begrimed and tainted syringes so empty yet still so full of addiction and animus. It was starting to become clean and even trendy. That is until a hotel bought the land beside the bar. Apparently no one wants a gay bar in the new soon-to-be trendy hot spot in town, let alone by a hotel where visitors (most likely from out of town, visiting for Stampede) will be staying. Has any thought gone into the feelings of others, did someone make decision with out thinking it through? Was it truly a callous judgement of some no-brain?

Even then however, it is not that which frustrates me the most. What does? The fact that a place I call home is closing. It hurts when you know the doors to a place where you feel safe and secure close shut on you. A brief feeling of panic, and intrusion. Even some anguish and anger. I feel like the lion hiding my own tail. This bar is not just a establishment of alcohol, it is a place that has established me. Part of me has grown up within those blue hued walls. As mentioned in a previous post, boot blacking at the Eagle is where I learned to finally make eye contact. I learned how to converse with people and venture out of my shell. That bar helped form who I am. So, naturally, I am devastated that my home is being demolished.

Will the bar re-open? I sure as fuck hope so. They are currently looking for a new place. It is just a matter of finding a good spot in the right location for the right price. There is fear that they won't re-open but I am trying to bury that stress away and label it as "unneeded". The new place will not be the same either. I mean, I am sure it will become to have the same feel and everything, but.. its not the exact place it was before, and to a person like me, that does count for something. Call it sentiment, call it heart.

A thought also came up: Is it the facility, or the people that made it home? I don't really know how to answer that to be honest. I think it may be a mix. Some people definitely helped, and others hindered. Either way, I am stressed about the situation, but I am doing my best to dismiss it until a finality comes to end. I am holding high hopes, that a new place will be found and that I can click my heels and have my wish of going back home.

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